Carter's Story

Thursday December 6th started like any other day. We did not wake up that day knowing that we would be forever changed. Shortly after arriving at work I began to experience pain that I quickly realized were contractions, at 20 weeks I knew that I should not have been feeling this pain. Rob picked up from work and by the time we made it to the hospital I was fully into the stages of labor and there was nothing they could do to stop the process. Our baby boy Carter was born and forever became our angel. Our lives have forever been changed and we don't yet know where the healing process will take us. Right now we are focused on Caila and helping her heal, she continues to amaze us with her understanding, but what she wants more then anything and we wish we could give her is the baby brother she always wanted and never had the chance to know.

We now Know we lost him due to Incompetent Cervix & Placental Abruption. If you have found our blog because you are now embarking on your own journey of grief and healing our hearts go out to you. May you be surrounded with love and not ever expect to much of yourself. Normal will never be the same, you will never be the same, and that's ok. My hope is that some of the resources I found to be lifesaving will help you as well.


Thursday, December 6, 2012

Happy 5th Birthday - Little Man-

Five.

It was also a Thursday. I still don't remember the weather day.

Five years is a milestone birthday the kind where you prepare for Kindergarten orientation in the spring.

A lot of life has passed in the mancave in 5 yrs.

We are preparing to move from the house where dreams of Carter began, and too quickly ended. S & K do not yet know of the brother they never knew, C still counts the days on the calendar. That may be the part that still stings the most, that I wasn't able to shield her from feeling that pain.

There were days that I looked around to see the babies of friends and family that I had shared a pregnancy with and I would be sad. Now it warms heart to see how they are growing, and give them an extra big hug.

Our hearts have been filled, and the ache has diminished, but we will never forget.

There are Angel Mom's out there with arms that still ache to be filled, and I pray for you everyday!

I searched through some of my older posts to see where my heart is now compared to where it was, and its cathartic to see the emotion behind my words change through the years.

As you go through your Christmas activities and maybe come across the not so helpful person, maybe this is their year of struggle, there vision of the good clouded by their pain and personal struggle. Smile and wave, you'll be remembered as someone who showed them kindness when it wasn't asked.


Happy 5th Birthday Little man, I hope its a great big party!