One of the Angel Mom's that I've "met" had her Rainbow baby, what the stillborn infant loss community refers to as babies after a loss, our hope, our Rainbow Baby. I cried rivers of Joy today for her, even though I've never really met her. The bittersweetness of this birth for her I can only imagine.
I was reading this week about what I hope will be my new project for the next year, I hope to give more info soon. But as part of this event someone wrote the quote of the year for me....
"Even though your were Stillborn...... You....Were..... Still.....Born!!!!!!!!!!! "
Author Unknown
Friday, September 12, 2008
Monday, September 8, 2008
The littlest Big Feet
Its hard to know much about a baby born too soon. We can imagine what he would have been like, what he would have liked, what would have made him laugh.
Certain things we know.
He had dark hair, perfect hands and fingers, and the same nose as his Big Sister.
The detail that we cherish most are his feet. Perfect in every way, and just like his Daddy. They were huge.
He had great big feet for such a beautiful tiny baby.
Basketball would have been his game.
Certain things we know.
He had dark hair, perfect hands and fingers, and the same nose as his Big Sister.
The detail that we cherish most are his feet. Perfect in every way, and just like his Daddy. They were huge.
He had great big feet for such a beautiful tiny baby.
Basketball would have been his game.
Friday, September 5, 2008
My dreaded number.
Nine.
It's here.
The number I've sort of been dreading.
9.
The amount of time you Carter should have been growing.
The amount of time it probably would have taken you to crawl and or walk.
Instead the number of months you have been gone.
The number I now know for certain that my body can certainly not carry a baby for.
9.
Conceivably - odd choice of word- Had I a normal functioning female body- Caila and Carter could be on there way to a sibling by now. I could at this very moment be in a hospital bed resting, had we as many suggested been pregnant by our due date. But we weren't we aren't.
Would it make 9 months any better? No, maybe slightly less of a sting.
Caila asks about Carter more and more these days. Would we have taken him here? Would he have liked to have gone there? "We don't have a stroller Mommy, what would he have gone in?" We don't have a stroller because he didn't stay long enough for us to buy one.
All of these things lead me to the reason that 9months stings in someways I think more then a year will. When a baby is 9 months old you begin to prepare for a first birthday. I'm thinking of a 1st memorial service. Should we have one ? (yes) Should it be just our nuclear family (just we three, probably) Will I ever again think of Caila's birthday without thinking of Carters Angel Day? (probably not- because as I now realize that December is only 3months away, that means Caila's Birthday is around the corner also.
And in the midst of all of this when in a quiet moment my daughter says to me I still want to be a Sister, and its seemingly impossible to give that to her, when we were so close and he just slipped away without any possible way for me to protect either my earth angel or my heavens Angel.
If I could just turn back the clock.
It's here.
The number I've sort of been dreading.
9.
The amount of time you Carter should have been growing.
The amount of time it probably would have taken you to crawl and or walk.
Instead the number of months you have been gone.
The number I now know for certain that my body can certainly not carry a baby for.
9.
Conceivably - odd choice of word- Had I a normal functioning female body- Caila and Carter could be on there way to a sibling by now. I could at this very moment be in a hospital bed resting, had we as many suggested been pregnant by our due date. But we weren't we aren't.
Would it make 9 months any better? No, maybe slightly less of a sting.
Caila asks about Carter more and more these days. Would we have taken him here? Would he have liked to have gone there? "We don't have a stroller Mommy, what would he have gone in?" We don't have a stroller because he didn't stay long enough for us to buy one.
All of these things lead me to the reason that 9months stings in someways I think more then a year will. When a baby is 9 months old you begin to prepare for a first birthday. I'm thinking of a 1st memorial service. Should we have one ? (yes) Should it be just our nuclear family (just we three, probably) Will I ever again think of Caila's birthday without thinking of Carters Angel Day? (probably not- because as I now realize that December is only 3months away, that means Caila's Birthday is around the corner also.
And in the midst of all of this when in a quiet moment my daughter says to me I still want to be a Sister, and its seemingly impossible to give that to her, when we were so close and he just slipped away without any possible way for me to protect either my earth angel or my heavens Angel.
If I could just turn back the clock.
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