Our Journey from Caila to Carter and everything in between is such a long story it could fill a novel. A very long boring novel of medical tests, tears, frustrations, surgeries, more tears, more frustration....you get the idea. Don't get me wrong we love our beautiful daughter and realize that some may not ever have the chance to be parents. But I/we have always known that our family was not complete. There is still room in our home and hearts to love and parent. My Mom told Caila the story early in Carters pregnancy about a friend who was much older when a sibling was born and how she called the baby "her baby". In some ways Carter really was Caila's baby. As much as my driving force over the last 7yrs has been to grow our family it has also been driven by the desire for Caila to be a Sister. As parents we strive to give our children something that we didn't have. For some it's a home in the country away from the city life they knew as a child, others a stable family because they came from broken homes. For me, I need Caila to be a sister so here we are in the week we should be preparing for the arrival of our son, going back to the beginning.
Monday I went back to the RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist) to find out what our new table of contents might be. -Taking the elevator back to the 5Th floor was not an easy task. Knowing that when I left their Hershey Bar in hand proclaiming my Due Date and the smiles and hugs from nurses that had treated me for so long, and knowing that going back there was going to be the opposite. Quick hello's followed by a glance away-. Side note- I have been a patient there for so long that the day of my very first appointment a new Medical Assistant was day 1 on the job, he is now the Practice Manager. --
Obviously with only 2 babies in 10yrs not for lack of trying this book isn't an easy read. The most frustrating is that even though our Official diagnosis for Carter's pre-term birth is Placental Abruption, we can't seem to get all three of my Doctors to agree that this is truly why our son isnt in our arms today. The best that I can wrap my head around is that because I like to beat the odds ( and not in a good way) there is some kind of fluke where the two conditions that caused Pre-term labor occurred together. The Doctors at MFM (Maternal-Fetal Medicine) feel strongly that the Abruption is the cause. However, my RE & Ashermans Doctors seem to feel that IC (Incompetent Cervix) and a combination of the Abruption are to blame. The problem is that IC is somewhat treatable, and a Cerclage , could very well have saved Carter and I've really done a pretty good job at ignoring the what ifs (denial is my friend) and I really don't want to go there, really ever. But at the same time I am okay with having a Dr. that is willing to be thorough so that going forward with whatever the future holds we will know, maybe something. There are more tests to be run just to rule out everything. We don't know what the rest of this year will hold, If I look back on last year the beginning and end seemed to occur in different galaxies. Today they only thing I know is that I should be starting Maternity leave @ 3pm on Friday......How quickly things change.
