Carter's Story

Thursday December 6th started like any other day. We did not wake up that day knowing that we would be forever changed. Shortly after arriving at work I began to experience pain that I quickly realized were contractions, at 20 weeks I knew that I should not have been feeling this pain. Rob picked up from work and by the time we made it to the hospital I was fully into the stages of labor and there was nothing they could do to stop the process. Our baby boy Carter was born and forever became our angel. Our lives have forever been changed and we don't yet know where the healing process will take us. Right now we are focused on Caila and helping her heal, she continues to amaze us with her understanding, but what she wants more then anything and we wish we could give her is the baby brother she always wanted and never had the chance to know.

We now Know we lost him due to Incompetent Cervix & Placental Abruption. If you have found our blog because you are now embarking on your own journey of grief and healing our hearts go out to you. May you be surrounded with love and not ever expect to much of yourself. Normal will never be the same, you will never be the same, and that's ok. My hope is that some of the resources I found to be lifesaving will help you as well.


Sunday, March 15, 2009

Cleansing

We are moving forward.... Not for one moment will we ever forget you Carter, but we are moving forward, toward what we feel is the gift you gave us. The gift of loving a child we don't yet know. We know we can do that because we have loved you daily and never really had the chance to know you, you taught us that.

This weekend has been about cleaning, organizing our home in preparation for our Home Study. It has however for me as I come across items to organize clean or throw away, been about cleansing. The medication manuals, Insurance forms, charts, bills, all the things I've come across that still pain me to see, and probably always will, but purging or packing away, has been such a healing process. One that has enabled me to truly feel glimmers of the old me, and really release the weight from my chest.
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